i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
