So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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