i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My penis needs a shock collar
Randomize
