hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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