If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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