It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
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