maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
