belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
