On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
