i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
