we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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