i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
