Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
