i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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