hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
