handjob tips. give me some.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
