My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
