Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
