I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
