yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
