I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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