Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
