Girls should come with a carfax report
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
