I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
