Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
