I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
