Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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