this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
