Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
