I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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