dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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