I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
