I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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