what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
