I wannas sexs uuuuu
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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