I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
