I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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