my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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