if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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