Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
