She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
