My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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