He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
