Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
