he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
His nipple licking is glorious
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