Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
