I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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