it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
