they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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