He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
