State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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