I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
