I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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